NEW YORK— Wanting to gain even the slightest informational advantage over ordinary Americans, several Wall Street firms have reportedly begun paying as much as $100,000 a month for access to Truth API, a service that allows subscribers to receive posts from prominent Truth Social accounts faster than the general public.
"It's been a game changer," said hedge fund analyst Brian Feldman, who spent Monday morning staring intensely at a computer screen.
"Yesterday, I had to wait until everyone else knew something. Now I get to know it slightly before everyone else knows it."
Feldman said the service had already transformed his firm's operations by allowing employees to immediately respond to important posts instead of discovering them later while brushing their teeth.
"Before, we'd get a notification and say, 'Oh, wow, look at this,'" he said. "Now we get the notification and say, 'Oh, wow, look at this,' approximately eight seconds earlier."
According to employees, the firm has begun treating every incoming post as a potentially market-moving event, with analysts scrambling to determine whether each one contains critical information or is simply a photograph of trump playing golf.
"It's like Spotify," said junior analyst Kevin Morales. "You start to believe the algorithm understands you personally. Then it gives you something completely insane."
Morales said he had recently spent three hours monitoring the feed without seeing anything that justified his firm's monthly subscription.
"I asked my boss if we could cancel it."
"What did he say?"
"He said, 'What if something happens?'"
"What if something happens?"
"Exactly."
The service has also created tension between employees who receive posts immediately and those who don't.
"I don't want to brag," said one premium user, "but I already knew about the post before my brother did."
The user declined to explain why his brother needed to know.
"He just did."
At one firm, employees reportedly celebrated after receiving a post several seconds before it appeared on the regular feed.
"We were screaming," said Feldman. "Someone ordered champagne."
What the post contained was unclear.
"I think it was about something in Pennsylvania."
Meanwhile, ordinary users have continued accessing the platform without paying six figures for a marginally faster experience.
"I'm okay waiting," said Ohio resident Daniel Kessler. "I personally wouldn't do that even if I had the money."
Kessler then looked at his phone.
"Wait, what happened?"
No one answered.
His phone buzzed again.
Kessler sighed.
"Frick."
Back on Wall Street, Feldman said the subscription was already proving to be average.
"People think we're paying $100,000 to see social media posts faster," he said. "That's not what we're doing."
That's enough Internet for today
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